Discussion Zone: => General Chat => Topic started by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:35:06 PM
Title: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:35:06 PM
I Promise you, i am NOT enjoying this. It is gross. It is like licking santa's malty candy asshole.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:39:53 PM
i start by opening it. the feel of cracking the can open is a crude mockery of opening a more respectable beverage, like my beloved Lone Star. The can, for whatever reason, has a green and red fatigue print. It claims to be 'watermelon', but when i pour it into a clear class for inspection it looks more like the bright, neon almost-pink color of brake fluid. The smell is unlike anything i have ever experienced. Imagine if jolly ranchers were made of meat and left in the sun for a week.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:43:56 PM
As i take my first sip i feel my body convulse as my gag reflex kicks in. my first thought is "i can't do this." However, i feel like i made an oath to myself when i cracked the can. Better men than me do harder things than this on a daily basis. Trying not to think of the abusive chemical cocktail I'm exposing my body to, i pinch my nose and swallow as much as i can as quickly as possible. This was a mistake. The cramps incapacitate me and i spend five minutes forcing my trachea shut to keep it down.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:46:52 PM
Whenever i go to drink again, a new wave of heinous, sour non-fruit assaults my nostrils. It is taking almost all of my willpower to raise the glass to my lips. My eyes tear and i try not to think of the 23.5 fluid ounces of torture I'm about to experience. I take the second round of frenzied, forced gulps. It's almost slightly easier to keep down this time.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:52:39 PM
The fact that it's fortified with malt liquor is blessing and curse. The flavor is like running my tongue on a cheese grater and then chewing bubblegum dissolved in sulpheric acid. I notice my head is strting to trob painfully and i can hear my pulse in my ears. The ad banner at the bottom of my screen advises me to check into alcohol detox. I can't allow such omens to deter me, not after having coem this far. I pick up the can and shake it to discover i've only managed about a quater of the beverage.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 06:57:41 PM
After my third glass, the can seems endless and i seriously cosider severing my tounge. The aftertaste remains for a long time, like a leigion of hateful little imps are raping each of my indaviduall taste buds. I'm beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol, wich is only a very small mercy. It is becoming difficult to tink and form coherent thoughts. I want very much to vomit, but i cannot admit defeat yet.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 07:04:47 PM
I've never had the urge to throw myself off of my third story balcony before. only about five ounces reamain, only two or thee good swallows. My head has gone from throb to full migrane. I brace myself... and slam the last of it. the banner at the bottom now advertises an entirely diffrent alcohol and drug rehab company. I reaalize i can strike rich just for offering recuperations to victims of Four Lokos. I then realize that this is a retarded idea as i have to be the only person dumb enough to drink an entire bastard. My enemy is defeated. I'm going to allow myself to purge, then i'm goingto lie in a dark, quiet room until i can think coherently again. the only thing i take away from tis horrible expreince is that i'll never, ever, EVER do this again. Goodbye.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 07:34:53 PM
half an hour later, it seems like a good idea to find my ex-roomate and put my fist as far into his face as it will go.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Omega on March 31, 2011, 08:21:15 PM
The clip slides into the gun and I bump the clip to lock it in. Pull it back, turn off the safety and let the hollows fly. Seven .44 eagles rip through its flesh. Its screams of pain seem to shake the room, but "Blood Reign" tones it out. The clip signals its empties with a click, gun smokes and the vibrations still rattle through my hand. Heart pumps fast, though I breathe slow. Its mass falls to the ground and a black pool baths the creature. Its black pupils with a dark golden iris stares at me. I calmly reload the clip. The clip slides into the gun and I bump the clip to lock it in. Pull it back and let the hollows fly. One .50 action express hollow tipped eagle soars between its eyes. Thus as its life faded, so did my curse. My soul cry blood, but I cry none. Gun smokes and the vibrations still rattle through my hand. Heart pumps slow, I breathe slow. "Blood Reign" fades and I close my eyes. It's mass reforms and let's out a loud roar. I look back into his dark soulful eyes of hatred. It hates me, though, I do not hate it. It exists because I still exists.
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Kedzor on March 31, 2011, 08:55:35 PM
and then omega was a zombie
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: Omega on March 31, 2011, 10:05:58 PM
Omega? Oh you thought... nevermind. :)
Title: Re: To atone for my sinful ways i'm going to drink an entire four loko.
Post by: kinjo on April 01, 2011, 12:02:13 AM