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Discussion Zone: => Show Your Stuff! => Topic started by: Omega on November 02, 2009, 09:44:13 PM


Title: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Omega on November 02, 2009, 09:44:13 PM
Clearer Vision
Philosophical

I paint meaningful mental imagery that must be delineated.
To overcome my moronic obstacles they must be obliterated.

This style of writing induces acceleration of mental stimulation.
My ideas don’t spark; they kindle into an incandescent inspiration.

They doubt me, but fail in trying to understand me.
My inner light illuminates bright, but is blinding to a certain degree.

People seem so scared of reality.
Living a treacherous life forces you to realize your mortality.
Title: Re: Clearer Vision
Post by: Flashwerewolf on November 02, 2009, 09:44:29 PM
*replies*
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Omega on November 02, 2009, 09:59:23 PM
*is honored by Flash's response* Thank you, gentle spiderwolf.  [asia]
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Adelaide on November 02, 2009, 10:30:17 PM
I think you meant m0rality in the last stanza
Mortality is like.. either the quality of being human or the rate at which death occurs. Such as the mortality rate of baby painted turtles is 99%, meaning only 1% of them survive infancy.
Also "is blinding is a certain degree." i believe you meant to say: "is blinding to a certain degree"


Thats all i see wrong with it, for the most part its an incredible poem! Keep up the good work ;D
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Flashwerewolf on November 03, 2009, 03:38:40 AM
I see how Mortality fits, people often think they are invincible and godlike
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: kinjo on November 03, 2009, 11:13:45 AM
poems do not always have to rhyme   [ghey]
nice poem

Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Omega on November 03, 2009, 06:06:35 PM
I see how Mortality fits, people often think they are invincible and godlike

Yay! You got it right, that's what I was trying to convey! :D
Thanks for the positive criticism! ;>

And I like poems that rhyme. Ones that don't seem weird and random. But, I digress.  [yoshi]
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Adelaide on November 03, 2009, 09:41:03 PM
Thats insulting o.o
I write a lot of poetry and not all of it rhymes... I'll make a topic..
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Flashwerewolf on November 03, 2009, 11:02:19 PM
*huggles Addy*
Both of your guys' poems are good!
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Adelaide on November 03, 2009, 11:16:53 PM
why thank yew =3
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Omega on November 04, 2009, 03:28:41 PM
That is just my personal opinion towards poetry.
Title: Re: Poem: Clearer Vision
Post by: Adelaide on November 05, 2009, 12:09:23 AM
It could probably change, if you took some time to expand your horizons a little, maybe read a few different poems, see what more is out there..