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My work is a little morbid ^^'

Offline Emmery

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My work is a little morbid ^^'
« on: February 19, 2011, 11:16:20 AM »
Schizophrenic
Tick-tock tick-tock
Tick-tock tick-tock
Shadows… It is me they mock.
Snakes that slither on the floor,
spiders crawl under the door.
Why don’t you see what I see?
Why can’t you see what they do to me?
The burn me, poke,
taunt, choke.
Tick-tock tick-tock
Tick-tock tick-tock
The monsters of my dreams
aren’t always what they seem.
Behind that mask is a trusted face.
It seems so darkly out of place.
Tick-tock tick-tock
Tick-tock tick-tock
Stop it! That infernal clock!
Tick-tock tick-tock
Tick-tock tick-tock
Tick-Crash!
The clock is across the room, resounding with a bash.
The clock still ticks, but does not tock
does not talk.
But it’s new, it’s a change;
Who knew I could be so deranged?
Tick-Tick Tick-Tick
Tick-Tick Tick-Tick
I’ve got to get out of here.
This place enhances my fears.
Tick-Tick Tick-Tick Tick-Tick Tick-Tick Tick-Tick Tick-Tick Tick-Tick Tick-Tick
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline Adelaide

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2011, 06:55:13 PM »
Actually it's really good; good rhyme pattern and flow, plus the narration isn't half bad, which in some poems is pretty questionable :Dc I leiked it thanks for sharing! ^__^
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********(¨`·.·´¨).I.(¨`·.·´¨)* *********
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*****`·.¸.·´*ZombieHugs*`·¸.´******
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[img]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_27_08_09_1_54_05.

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2011, 08:11:51 PM »
Insane
I may be insane,
but I still have a name.
No matter how long I scream,
or how deep the cuts bleed,
the insanity stays inside me.
The strange perplexities that make me, me.
That little voice in my head,
that tells me what is to be said.
That dark little voice,
it takes away my choice.
The pills that set everything aglow,
they disappeared, long ago.
The protective parents, that are supposed to care,
they vanished into thin air.
So, I am left alone, with this voice,
without a name, without a choice.
I am insane,
and trapped behind a one-way glass pane.
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline Emmery

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[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline ChickanBone

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2011, 09:03:49 PM »
I made a poem like this on my Dev Art it was called Time :D I like this very nice!

sadly I'm not that good with Grammar or wording.
[4mdouble][4mdouble]

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2011, 09:22:56 PM »
A poem about split personality disorder:
Mirrors
“Stop copying me!
You know who it has to be,
the original! Me.
No, no, no! Stop that!
I just said-what?
Speak louder; you first.
C’mon, do your worst!”

I throw a punch and our fists collide
shattering of glass, you must have died.
But, no. No, not at all. I look and see
and see five of me.
Now they laugh. Horribly.
And they laugh. And they laugh
Their laugh hurts my ears.
I run, but I can still hear,
the laughter of the insane, horribly near.
Each mirror holds the same face,
no matter the place.
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline ChickanBone

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2011, 09:48:16 PM »
That's awesome! do you have anymore? :D
[4mdouble][4mdouble]

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2011, 10:10:29 PM »
Ayuh:
Perfect?
No pain. No anger. No evil
Nothing wicked. Nothing bad.
Perfect spell for a perfect world.
But what of good? What are the lines to be had?
You make a mistake and have to leave?
What of sin?
A sin to breathe?
Die or be gone. The lines constrict.
The perfect world, of peace and
the very worst world, of impossible terms.
Make this world perfect.
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline ChickanBone

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2011, 03:44:21 AM »
That's deep!

Lot of hate!
[4mdouble][4mdouble]

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2011, 07:14:08 AM »
Hmmm... I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or not. 6.9
Well, this one's a spin off on Freddy's song.
Counting
1, 2 I’m coming for you
3, 4 You can’t lock your door
5, 6 There’s no easy fix
7, 8 Start to hallucinate
9, 10 You’ve gone insane
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^


Offline ChickanBone

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2011, 09:57:49 AM »
It was a compliment :)

and I like your character layouts Mina looks cool and the flower looks great!
[4mdouble][4mdouble]

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #12 on: February 20, 2011, 10:14:20 AM »
Thanks ^^ I had trouble with the petals, and I had higher expectations of it *shmacks flower*
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline Adelaide

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2011, 01:21:31 AM »
you're work is pretty good! Love the poems!

If I could give a little feedback, you're facial structure could use some work; you seem to make the heads too thin and the faces too flat. The ear should be about where the jawline ends and the skull should actually extend far beyond that, and chins could use some work..

Aside from that you're pretty good with little details, and again, the writing is fantastic.
I am the creator of awesome points and therefore I have a never ending supply.
10 Luffle Points~!


-------------------------------------------
********(¨`·.·´¨).I.(¨`·.·´¨)* *********
****(`·.·´`·. ¸.·;Love`·.¸.·´`·.·´)*****
*****`·.¸.·´*ZombieHugs*`·¸.´******
*******`·.¸(¨`· Forever·´¨)..·´********
**************`·.¸.·´********* ******
[refle]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_22_05_09_12_36_39.png[/refle]

[img]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_27_08_09_1_54_05.

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2011, 09:09:38 AM »
Thanks! ^^ I'll try and put up the comics tonight- if not then I tried.
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline Adelaide

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #15 on: February 23, 2011, 04:29:52 AM »
:u no comics :c
I am the creator of awesome points and therefore I have a never ending supply.
10 Luffle Points~!


-------------------------------------------
********(¨`·.·´¨).I.(¨`·.·´¨)* *********
****(`·.·´`·. ¸.·;Love`·.¸.·´`·.·´)*****
*****`·.¸.·´*ZombieHugs*`·¸.´******
*******`·.¸(¨`· Forever·´¨)..·´********
**************`·.¸.·´********* ******
[refle]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_22_05_09_12_36_39.png[/refle]

[img]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_27_08_09_1_54_05.

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #16 on: February 23, 2011, 08:36:36 AM »
Are you telling me not to post them or are you upset that I didn't? 0o
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline Adelaide

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2011, 12:26:39 AM »
upset that you didnt :c
I am the creator of awesome points and therefore I have a never ending supply.
10 Luffle Points~!


-------------------------------------------
********(¨`·.·´¨).I.(¨`·.·´¨)* *********
****(`·.·´`·. ¸.·;Love`·.¸.·´`·.·´)*****
*****`·.¸.·´*ZombieHugs*`·¸.´******
*******`·.¸(¨`· Forever·´¨)..·´********
**************`·.¸.·´********* ******
[refle]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_22_05_09_12_36_39.png[/refle]

[img]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_27_08_09_1_54_05.

Offline Emmery

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #18 on: February 24, 2011, 12:45:58 AM »
Oh. Sorry. ^^' I'm working on it- and I just hate how they look! You can't read them, so I'll probably have a little key or something. *le sigh*
[ele]The elephant does the moon walk ^_^

Offline Adelaide

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Re: My work is a little morbid ^^'
« Reply #19 on: February 24, 2011, 05:43:54 AM »
le sigh sounds french
I am the creator of awesome points and therefore I have a never ending supply.
10 Luffle Points~!


-------------------------------------------
********(¨`·.·´¨).I.(¨`·.·´¨)* *********
****(`·.·´`·. ¸.·;Love`·.¸.·´`·.·´)*****
*****`·.¸.·´*ZombieHugs*`·¸.´******
*******`·.¸(¨`· Forever·´¨)..·´********
**************`·.¸.·´********* ******
[refle]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_22_05_09_12_36_39.png[/refle]

[img]http://4mchan.org/Forum/gallery/1_27_08_09_1_54_05.