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Should I Plan on getting married?

Offline bloo-apple

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Should I Plan on getting married?
« on: September 02, 2010, 11:52:46 PM »
Lets look at some facts...
Currently, in the US and much of the Western world, divorce rates are high - 40% to 50%! And under many jurisdictions, divorce greatly favors the women. Some key issues includes;
- Women initiate divorce in 70% of the cases
- Women almost always get custody of children
- Women may get 50% of the family asset AND lifetime of support payments from her ex
- Support payments of 30% of the ex-husband's income (before taxes) is common, the court may impose additional payments. The payments may still be required even if the husband loses his job AND have no money.
- Support payments (for the woman AND child) may be required even if you have proven your wife cheated AND DNA testing proves the child is not yours.
- Women commonly make false accusations of domestic abuse against their ex.
- Women commonly violate court order and deny the father access to their children.

In essence, marriage is now a one sided bet by men. All the risk and responsibilities are being assumed by the husband but the rewards and freedoms are controlled by the wife. In fact, for disgruntled wives in a marriage, instead of weathering the difficult times with her husband, she now has an incentive to use divorce to coerce their husband into submission. If he does not submit, she will force the divorce and he will lose his children, money and become her financial slave for rest of his life.

In contrast, men who chose to co-habit with their girlfriends can enjoy sex, companionship and still retain his financial and personal freedom. Simply put, given the options of co-habit and marriage, some men simply do not find it worthwhile to go the extra mile.

[Please note I am not trying to bash women in general nor claiming most women are dishonest, I am simply stating, based on what I've read elsewhere, WHY men are avoiding marriage. In fact, many of the men did not blame women, they blamed the harsh legal system as reason for their fear.]

Still Plan on getting married?

Offline Flashwerewolf

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2010, 04:35:50 AM »
Yeah, the legal system has gone really bonkers with how they manage divorces and what continues on afterwards. It should be real simple cut and dry and equal, not so one-sided.

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Offline Adelaide

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2010, 04:46:11 AM »
I dun leik dis topic; a lotta girls look forward to their wedding day ever since they are young girls and dream about it ect ect :3 We look forward to that day and its incredibly disappointing when we find guys we like/love doesnt want to get married for whatever reason, because it means so much to a lot of us and I'm sure a lot of guys, not to mention this excerpt doesnt mention any of the benefits of marriage; it just discourages it because the law system tends to be sexist (which the women you guys may potential determine you want to be with all your life I can almost guarantee had nothing to do with that)

"Whether or not you favor marriage as a social institution, there's no denying that it confers many rights, protections, and benefits -- both legal and practical. Some of these vary from state to state, but the list typically includes:

Tax Benefits
Filing joint income tax returns with the IRS and state taxing authorities.
Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.
Estate Planning Benefits
Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate.
Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.
Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.
Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse's behalf.
Government Benefits
Receiving Social Security, Medicare, and disability benefits for spouses.
Receiving veterans' and military benefits for spouses, such as those for education, medical care, or special loans.
Receiving public assistance benefits.
Employment Benefits
Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer.
Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.
Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.
Taking bereavement leave if your spouse or one of your spouse's close relatives dies.
Medical Benefits
Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility.
Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.
Death Benefits
Consenting to after-death examinations and procedures.
Making burial or other final arrangements.
Family Benefits
Filing for stepparent or joint adoption.
Applying for joint foster care rights.
Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce.
Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.
Housing Benefits
Living in neighborhoods zoned for "families only."
Automatically renewing leases signed by your spouse.
Consumer Benefits
Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance.
Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.
Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.
Other Legal Benefits and Protections
Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy).
Suing a third person for offenses that interfere with the success of your marriage, such as alienation of affection and criminal conversation (these laws are available in only a few states).
Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can't force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage.
Receiving crime victims' recovery benefits if your spouse is the victim of a crime.
Obtaining immigration and residency benefits for noncitizen spouse.
Visiting rights in jails and other places where visitors are restricted to immediate family."
-http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/article-30190.html

>:[ yeah, dats right, i gots facts and sources too!
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Offline Flashwerewolf

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2010, 04:51:25 AM »
I think The info explained in Bloo's post was taken from a Post-Marriage perspective, while yours is Pre-Marriage perspective.

Both exist at the same time, tho I now wonder about a third, In-marriage perspective to break the tie.

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Offline Adelaide

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #4 on: September 03, 2010, 05:23:05 AM »
and even then I think it depends on how long they've been married :P

I still think marriage is a good idea IF its thought out and at the right time with the right person; the problem with marriages most the time is it happens too young, too soon
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Offline Flashwerewolf

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2010, 08:03:03 AM »
when it all comes down to it, two people should marry if they want to and are willing to commit the time and energy.

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Offline kinjo

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #6 on: September 03, 2010, 08:03:13 AM »
i think in a divorce both should suffer, and only the kids benefit

if there are no kids, they still both suffer equally 50/50


Offline bloo-apple

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2010, 08:25:51 AM »
i think in a divorce both should suffer, and only the kids benefit

if there are no kids, they still both suffer equally 50/50

If they get a divorce it should be like a clean break up. No one gets benefits or suffers, they just move on and find someone who is better for them.  That's my thought...

Offline kinjo

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #8 on: September 03, 2010, 10:20:08 AM »
now that i think of it, if the man side does nothing and the woman side makes all the money

what should happen?

Offline Wesker

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #9 on: September 03, 2010, 12:19:13 PM »
the judicial system blows anyway. It's all a bunch of fading ink from a backwards pen, if you ask me. 50/50 is the way to go through everything, pre-, mid-, post-.
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Offline Kedzor

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #10 on: September 03, 2010, 05:21:42 PM »
I haven't really seen any evidence that marriage is a good idea anymore. Human beings were not quite 'made' to be monogamous, as evidenced by the high devirce reate and even higher infidelity rate. MArrige has been around a long, LONG time, back from the days when people lives around 50 years or so, what we now consider 'middle-aged'.
The plain fact is that you're going to get sick of somebody by then.  Marrige is becoming obsolete, especially in the next few generations when people will live even longer. Hell, our grand kids will probably be 150+!

My brain pattern set does not make a reply is still more work to be mean?Are you saying we define ourselves through our interactions and expectations of individuals and think this board and it is harmless, cheesy fun in the second girl who has done that has any comments on like knights of the prisoner in which you have, or are at the same in spirit. But i'm staying here for semantics.

Offline tkoold

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #11 on: September 03, 2010, 06:39:27 PM »
the breakup of a marrage really comes from are the people happy together comfortable with what each is doing, is the income and financial management and habits working out can the people co exist, whats its decided that No its not working out, then the fights and what can i get for myself ensue.. also, every divorce is to its own and what is devided and coustody and so forth, nothing is guarunteed and each case is its own because everything can be complex and have 100 different factors to it.

Offline Flashwerewolf

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #12 on: September 04, 2010, 12:06:18 AM »
Generations, for a few decades now have been raised to seek out personal pleasures, and the ideals of seeking pleasure for others is dying. I think the mentality of making others happy vs making yourself happy is the key to a successful marriage. You're supposed to forgive your spouse for their flaws and support them in their endeavors.

With each person focusing on themselves and their own wants and needs,  they tend to neglect or dismiss their spouses needs which creates animosity. Once that becomes the status quo of the relationship, then it becomes a VS game, which each person trying to get more out of the relationship than the other.


Perhaps the media's influence on 'gender equality' that has men and women competing with each-other in every facet of life.
 

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Offline Adelaide

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #13 on: September 04, 2010, 01:33:08 AM »
All I have to say is this: the reasons bloo listed arent reasons not to get married but to be more sure you are making the right decision

Also, my guy friend I'm currently telling about this said this: "If girls are the initiators of divorce then the guys complaining of  it should not not get married; they should just marry guys"
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Offline kinjo

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #14 on: September 04, 2010, 08:08:09 AM »
the alternative is Domestic Partnership

Offline Wesker

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #15 on: September 04, 2010, 09:36:03 PM »
People who can stay together for ever and not get married are generally cool and down to earth. Works well, despite the absence of marriage benefits.

Marriage benefits......sounds like an oxymoron--just like unemployment benefits.
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Offline kinjo

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #16 on: September 05, 2010, 08:09:14 AM »
i'm not married, and iv'e had the same gf for 6 years

so i'm living in the now

Offline Flashwerewolf

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #17 on: September 05, 2010, 09:12:13 AM »
everyone lives in the now, its how time works!

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Offline kinjo

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #18 on: September 05, 2010, 04:29:35 PM »
if only my now was living in outer space in cool space ships during humanities far far future


Offline tkoold

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Re: Should I Plan on getting married?
« Reply #19 on: September 05, 2010, 09:26:20 PM »
i live in the past